Trusting Yourself:

Trusting yourself is something that I struggle with constantly; I know it drives my significant other nuts, because with most things I cannot seem to make a decision.  This is frustrating to all parties involved, and I’m trying to get a handle on it.  Slowly, but surely, I’m certain that I can get to the point where I have confidence in my decisions, and in myself, thus showing through in everything from relationships to decisions.

Lately, well, the past few years, I’ve had trouble trusting myself.  This has translated into relationships that have come and gone, for one reason or another.  I want to change this way of thinking, because I don’t want to sabotage any more relationships.  While where I am is not perfect, I am so happy with what and who I have.  I don’t want to lose this just because first and foremost I cannot even trust myself.

An interesting point I came across: “Sometimes it only takes one person to determine that nobody is in fact trustworthy. In the process, we often lose trust in ourselves—simply because our judgment of the person or circumstance was incorrect—and we then wonder how we can believe our own judgment. As a result, we might close our hearts, repress our emotions, and walk around numb or suspicious in relationships.”[1]

I’ve done some looking around, and here is what I have come up with as ways to change your way of thinking:

·      Your mother was right after all; Eating right and exercising is important-especially to your own emotional wellbeing.

·      Learn from your mistakes-and see them as lessons; don’t hold a grudge, but be smarter about your decisions.

·      Learn to forgive yourself; No one is perfect, we need to forgive ourselves in order to eventually move on.

·      Follow your intuition; you know yourself best, just listen.

·      Try to involve yourself in activities that will challenge you, but also teach you a lot about yourself.

·      Your point of view is the most important; You are the only one that has to live with and face yourself everyday-it doesn’t really matter what other people think

·      Speak up for yourself-by breaking out of a more quiet, reserved role, you will eventually break the cycle, and become more confidant in yourself.

·      Try anything, just to prove to yourself that you are capable of doing something new; by doing this, you are building trust in yourself for the future.

·      Don’t allow yourself to fall into a role of self-defeating talking or thinking; Start to believe in yourself, and the trust will come.

·      Surround yourself with good people; People who love you and care about you, no matter what.

This is a big list to follow, and think very carefully about.  I hope this will instill a new level of confidence in you, in turn allowing you to learn to trust yourself, and build your relationships stronger.

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[1] Dr. Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., “A Simple Exercise to Increase Trust in Yourself,” March 17, 2010, <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/somatic-psychology/201003/simple-exercise-increase-trust-in-yourself> (accessed August 30, 2011).

James & Regan are the minds behind the top10usdatingsites.com website trying to help singles everywhere discover the fun and adventure in online dating.

The 5 Steps to Finding your Online Match:

1. Determine what you want in a relationship, is it a friend, a significant other, or a life partner you’re looking for.  Are you serious about finding the right person, or is it more the experience you’re interested in?  You most likely would want to find someone with the same expectations as yourself.  Being on the same page will ensure that you are honest from the start, and won’t be stringing or strung along.
2. Have a list; I think almost everyone has some sort of mental list or what he or she is looking for in a relationship.  It may serve you better to write down what your wants and needs are, and determine level of importance to you.  Being able to visually see what you want will help you put everything into perspective, and prioritize important things to you.
3. See what’s out there; don’t be afraid to do your research on which dating site you would like to join.  If you get stuck, you can always view our list of dating sites. There are hundreds out there, and the more effort you put into finding the right site for you, the more likely you will be to find someone successfully.  You can target sites that may be specific to your interests, or you may decide that one of the bigger, more commercialized sites suits you better.
4. After you’ve taken some time to do your research, you’ll need to start deciding which site you would like to join.  Again, make another list of matchmaking sites, this time with pros and cons, listing the sites that you researched.  This will make it easier to narrow down your final decision.  You are more than welcome to have multiple accounts-if there is one site that you like for one thing and a separate one you like for something else, you can always join both and go from there beginning your online dating experience.
5. Utilize the sites to the best of your ability to find your match.  Be proactive and engaging, sending messages, and responding if you’re interested.  You will have a positive experience this way, along with greater success for your dating future.  Good luck, and get going!